I've been having strong feelings lately, like messages from within that can't be silenced. Believe it or not my friends, I feel like I'm selling myself short. Sure I'm on the other side of the world taking 18 months to teach scuba diving, but honestly I'm not completely satisfied. Too many things about my way of life simply don't seem, well... right.
I've assessed my life here in my humble accommodation on this meager island out in the middle of Indonesia. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm a slave to civilization, a pawn in man's deliberate quest to detach himself from natural being. Here's a list of a few brilliant inventions surrounding me that man has created to better his life over the course of thousands of years: brick, mortar, chair, bed, fan, toilet, sink, running water, pavement, light bulb, motorboat, restaurant, computer, the list goes on. All of these and other great inventions which I have been successfully trained to love and rely upon my entire life are for what purpose? Are these inventions a means to a “better” life or simply hindrances to a truer life? Let me put it straight. What are you living for? What are the most important things to you in life? Have you found true happiness or simply discovered things that make you smile?
As for these instinctual feelings I've had, here are some details. I want to get away. I want to leave the grips of civilization for a while. I am yearning to get away from it all and live where nothing can hinder natural life. For how long, I don't know. In what way, I don't know. Where, I don't know. Why it is so strong now and never before, I don't know. All I know is that these feelings are real. Are they any stronger in my soul than in my neighbor's? I propose that it is not a matter of having these feelings but rather recognizing and listening to them. Listen to yourself. Where is all of this suddenly coming from though? Is this what it feels like to get a message from God? Perhaps could it be a human instinct no different from the desire to obtain food? Maybe there is simply something wrong with me and I need to snap back into reality and sort my life out as it should be. Nay, I implore you: those who have resigned yourselves to the goals put forth by society, open your eyes! Open your minds! Listen! We are only sculpted by society as much as we allow ourselves to be. Go to school, get a job, make money, wear fancy clothes, get married, buy a house, own an expensive car, have children, teach them to do the same thing, retire, and die. Anything we do outside of that framework seems to be simply a brief break from that unalterable plan. How are we supposed to find meaning in life let alone find ourselves if we're always busy trying to stick to that program? Even I could come up with excuses all day long why someone might not want to break the mold. However not a single one is more important than following your dreams.
Did I forget to mention that a tourist died right off the north end of the island while snorkeling a couple days ago? The fragility of life makes the question ever more pressing. What are you living for?
So here I stand on the uncharted frontier of my life, a stranger to closed roads. The shackles of society around my ankles can still be heard with every step I take and the scratches on them are clear evidence of many attempts of removal. Alas, they hold strong for now. As the morning dew lifts, I stretch my arms and gaze in awe upon the multitude of options. One deep breath fills my lungs with new fresh air and clears my head. Without wasting another moment, I step into the unknown. There is no destination, but only direction: forward.
Well, well. You're sounding like an American transcendentalist already. I can't agree more that you're asking some important questions and that people everywhere could do better to ask these questions themselves. But what I want to konw is: What are you living for, Robbie? You describe here what what you want to do. But what questions do you hope to answer by going without restaurants, chairs and toilets? Why do you think you're having these feeling all of a sudden? I'd argue that it's just as easy to get lost in the woods as it is to get lost in the crowd.
ReplyDeleteAnd so long as you're going forward, you won't know where you are. And once you reach your destination, you won't know where you're headed next, according to a fellow with and without a cat.